“I’m trying to get by” A Kuly Tangu Story
In 2020 I was officially diagnosed with anxiety and depression problems. I have been managing it well and some days it felt like I was out of the woods. As a black person, depression is not taken seriously so there was really no one I could talk to about it because it would be dismissed, or worse they would just call me lazy.
The first person I told that I was suffering from depression told me that I was just in my head and I had been alone for a long time, so I just needed to be around people. I thought about it and tried to be around people more but the more I was around people the more I felt alone.
When lockdowns were reintroduced it became even worse being alone and no one to talk to about what I was going through. They are some days I felt so low, I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t sleep, or eat. I would go radio silent and at times I really felt like death was the way out.
For a while I thought I was now okay, things were getting better until the week I dropped my album “En Mi Elemento”. I dropped it on the 22nd of June and my sister passed on the 23rd. That week I pretended to be okay, even though I had lost my sister. I felt strong as if I had everything under control, however, my strength came crumbling a few weeks after.
Grieving turned into a pit of emotions and feelings that I was drowning in, I could not control myself- it felt like the whole world was crushing me and I had no one to tell. I spent weeks in the house, disoriented crying my eyes out to an extent that I have a full day I can’t recall. Usually, I would take alcohol to numb the pain but this time I couldn’t. Hence, that meant sleepless nights and horrible days.
I’m writing this because last night as I tried to sleep, for a moment I felt like I had finally left earth. I was happy and sad for a moment but when I got back into myself I realized I have something to live for, a family, I want to see my kid grow up and be a better version of both me and her mom.
I may not be out of the woods yet but I’m trying to fight these diseases I have so I could be a better parent.
Hi, my name is Kuly Tangu, I am an artist and producer, I suffer from Depression and Anxiety.